Day 42 - The Interrupters

Recipe: Chicken Florentine
Repository: Moody Bible Institute

I spent the morning applying for jobs at the Moody Bible Institute. They had some appealing positions but I could not in good faith answer all of the questions that are included in their application. I couldn't condemn homosexuality and promise not to drink or have pre-marital sex. In the additional information section, I explained that I could respect their point of view, and work there without a bias, but I am more of a religious pluralist and I couldn't pledge allegiance to their doctrine. We will see if my application goes anywhere besides the garbage can in that HR department. I also applied to one at the Chicago Theological Seminary, they weren't as stringent, but they have already selected strong applicants to interview, maybe if they all fall through, they will take a glance in my direction.

After that morning of productive activities, I decided to head to the movie theater. I ran into two women who live in my building yesterday when I was walking Simba, and they were telling me about "The Interrupters", the latest documentary from the man who directed "Hoop Dreams". I thought it was very thought provoking. The film is about a non-profit organization, made of ex-criminals, named Cease Fire, who set out to infiltrate the worst neighborhoods in Chicago and stop violent crimes before they happen. The youth violence in this city is really an epidemic, the UIC researchers that are analyzing this initiative have compared it to a horrible, contagious disease that can be stopped, once the agent is identified. These brave souls are having real dialogues with brothers in rival gangs, mothers who are burying their sons, a sister who watched her brother get shot in the head and die in her arms.

All the perpetrators can say is he disrespected me, and I'm not a punk, so I had to shoot him. It was nuts. The only thing that I can think of is that these kids are suicidal. They live in drug infested neighborhoods, their families don't have money, they are ostracized from main stream society, and they can't get jobs. How can they think about the future when the present is so bleak? They have to know that their actions will lead to death, and maybe they are hoping for a release from their misery. I imagine the ones that make it out are the ones who have been encouraged to love and dream, those are the things that make me value my life. Technically, you don't need money and status to instill optimism and hope in your kids...but how can you do that you have been beat down by life too? The nature of the problem is quite overwhelming. The kicker is that this is all happening less than 5 miles away from my apartment. It is ironic that the film didn't make me more afraid, it made me want to do something to help. I have no idea what that will be, definitely not looking for a fight to stop, but something.

On the way home, I picked up the ingredients for the Chicken Florentine. I got home, placed all the ingredients on the counter. Lauren's kitchen came through with the pots, skillets, pans and measuring cups. I had the recipe book propped up and I was ready to cook! Everything was going great until I busted open my bag of thyme. I literally ripped the bag and thyme flew all over the kitchen. I couldn't stop to clean it up, I had all kinds of fires going on the range. That was awkward. I put lemon juice and corn starch in the spinach, but it was supposed to be mixed, cooked and poured over the final product. I also forgot to put the cheese in the with the garlic/mushroom mixture, which was stuffed into the chicken before I put in the oven. All the ingredients made it in the end, just not the way that the recipe intended. I ate up my portion, so I would give it an 80%. I always thought that I should not be afraid to cook because I can read and follow directions. That might not necessarily be the case. I'm definitely excited to have some food ready to go for tomorrow.

Day 41 - She is shy?!?!?

I woke up to pet duty, I will be glad when Lauren gets back. At least I was up and productive afterwards. I finally figured out how to work the television in my room. I washed all of my linen, and swept the floor. I believe that I was being propelled by my breakfast of champions, a Bloody Mary (garnished with celery) and a bowl of carrots. It was like a V8 with a kick. I continued working on material for my "make a goal, pick a goal. daily" initiative, which will be in effect tomorrow morning. After a quick nap, I decided to go out with a bang before I start cooking, and ordered some Giordano's. If you don't know about Chicago style stuffed crust pizza, you better ask somebody! It literally looks like a pie with a light flaky crust, and all of the cheese and toppings are layered beneath the tomato sauce, it is ingenious. I picked it up and had a delicious late lunch. I was prepared to keep researching and exploring opportunities on the computer when Rachna called.

She was in the area and needed to pick up the credit card that she left in my purse on Friday night. She was going to the library and she asked me if I wanted to check it out. Of course I said yes, because up until then I was not able to enter university libraries because I don't have a student ID. The woman working at the front desk (named Croatia) said that I could get in as a guest of Rachna, and as she was filling out the form Rachna asked her about employment in the library. Croatia was very friendly and I told her about my background and she said that I would be a good candiate for some of their positions. She encouraged me to keep checking in and applying on the HR website. Rachna tried to say that I should come back and talk to more people, and Croatia was like that's not really cool, everyone would just tell me to check the website anyway. Then Rachna leans in to this woman, and says, "she's shy, so we can use any insider information that we can get". I cringed. Croatia then commenced to give me a pep talk about projecting confidence, being persistent, and having a stellar resume. I appreciated her encouragement but it would have been completely unnecessary, if Rachna wasn't always running her mouth.

As soon as we were out of earshot of Croatia, I told Rachna that I did not like her speaking for me as if I wasn't there. She said that she was sorry and she didn't mean to offend me. I told her that I appreciated the help that she was trying to give me but she needs to give me space to operate at my own pace. Even after I left her to her work, 20 minutes later she apologized, and she texted me 3 hours later with the same sentiment. I told her it was just a bump toward us getting to know each other better. I am over it. My senstivity to the situation stems from three fibers of my being. One, I try to put myself in other people's position and nothing good comes from Croatia thinking that I am too "shy..(translate) insecure" to communicate my ideas. Two, I hate to be "put upon", if I can/want to help I will offer it, she/I should not have to figure out a nice way to say no, because other people can't get it together for themselves.Three, just because I am quiet and agreeable, it does not mean that I don't have opinions and preferences. Maybe I vented too much, and she feels like she needs to save me from my under-employed misery, I am capable of saving myself.

I know that Rachna is coming from a good place, she just needs to be careful of overstepping boundaries. I am proud of myself for letting her know that her behavior bothered me. It's good to know that some of my mother's lessons are sticking, she also wanted me to speak up for myself more than I did. My first instinct has always been to "let it ride" or "don't rock the boat", but that's no way to live. I know that I will never call someone out maliciously, so anyone that cares about me will take my concerns seriously. For me, there is never a, net negative outcome for listening to the little voice that says, "I'm not feeling that!".  

Day 40 - Ms. Doolittle is doing a lot

I woke up earlier than usual this morning to feed Simba and Misty, and take Simba for a walk. I had to be at work by 8:45, and I was almost late trying to steer my bike through the adolescent baseball team gathering
behind our building. I was in a good mood so it didn't really matter. The general manager was supervising the store today so I made sure to stay busy. After work I came home and put my resolve to the test. It has been 40 days of traffic jam between my thoughts and my actions. Clearly, I can't just think it and do it. I needed a creative and consistent way to attack these goals. The three major tasks are: to cook more, participate in more archival projects, and find an archives mentor. In this pursuit I have written down every recipe that I want to try and every repository that I want to contact, on separate pieces of paper. Every morning, I will pick a recipe and a repository and I will cook something and call somebody. I will keep track of the outcomes and see what kind of progress I make. I feel like the 40 day mark, the absence of Lauren, and the highs and lows that I experienced on Thursday and Friday, and that back to school, a.k.a. fresh start mentality that comes with September is working for me. If I can blog everyday, I can work on my career and my personal goals everyday too. 

Day 39 - The Intelligence of the Universe

After Arlene's compelling pep talk at the last volunteer meeting, I decided to give her any time that I had available. On Wednesday she sent out an email asking for help with a DuSable mailing. I called her this morning to volunteer, she asked if I could come earlier to run an errand to the post office. I said sure, not realizing that this would be the most time consuming and convoluted trip on Earth. I found out that D'Angelo would be driving me to the post office in the museum van, I had to wait 30 minutes for him to get clearance to take the van, and then driving to and waiting at, the post office for this giant order took about an hour. D'Angelo was very cool, in the car he gave me all kinds of fatherly and encouraging advice about adjusting to a new city. I left as soon as we got back, because I didn't intend to spend my whole day there. Overall it wasn't terrible, but as a former event planner, I know that my time was not effectively used if they were trying to get invitations out for a September 18th event. One great thing about being a volunteer is that I am not responsible for the outcome of these projects.    

I went to Popeye's for lunch, and I am pretty sure that they are serving food behind bulletproof glass. In the drive thru and inside the restaurant, I know this because I paid in the drive-thru, pulled forward, and my food never came. I parked, walked inside and gave my best evil eye to the cashier. She apologized and gave me three extra chicken nuggets, yeah I'm kind of big deal around here. After I ate and watched the Conspirator (not James Macavoy's best work, but it was bearable), I walked to the grocery store. By the time I got back, Rachna had called and wanted to go to dinner. She came by my place and we decided to drive to Chinatown. We wound up at Jai-Yee, this restaurant with a spiral bound menu with 500 items, all with an accompanying photograph. We started with tofu spring rolls, I got chicken and rice, and Rachna had some spicy vegetarian dish with noodles. The highlights were the beverages, she had a mango smoothie and I had pineapple lemonade, so refreshing!

After dinner we wandered around Chinatown, Rachna bought all kinds of rice, dried mushrooms, seaweed and soy sauce from a Chinese grocery store. We pecked and prodded merchandise in random curio shops, and then decided to head back to Hyde Park because I had to walk Simba. Lauren is out of town until Sunday night. We were still pretty energetic and we wanted to check out our local bars. We went to the Woodlawn Tap, where they only accept cash payments. The place is small and noisy, so we had one shot and went outside to smoke, mostly her, I can't take more than a couple of puffs. We met these two random guys who were talking about all kinds of foolishness. After Rachna was sufficiently propositioned by a big eared, hairy chested, pock marked Serbian, we decided that it was time to leave. We walked down the street to the Seven Ten bar and had another drink, as we started yawning and conversation was winding down, we closed the tab and walked back to my place. Rachna got her stuff out of the car and I waited with her until the shuttle came to take her, to her apartment. This was a very nice day, a stiff and welcome contrast to yesterday. 

All throughout the evening, we TALKED. Conversation jumped from one random topic to another, it was actually hard to tell a story from start to finish because we moved from one tangential point to another. I suppose the major topics were Lauren (pros and cons), the ups and downs of creating a career, our families, and how much we miss our friends from home. I found myself talking about my mother alot, and even though Rachna looked at me with a face full of pity, she seemed to believe me when I said I was alright and I didn't need a therapy session tonight. I told her how my mom had thrown a huge engagement party for my brother, 10 weeks before his wedding and 6 weeks before she died, as if she knew what was going to happen. Rachna started to tear up and told me how her grandfather had died the day after her brother's wedding, she said that he had waited. Trying to lighten the mood, I asked her if she thought our relatives were negotiating with death and she said no, it is the intelligence of the Universe. I've always known we were living within a master plan but I've never heard it put that way. It's like a giant game of Wizard Chess, I may not understand every move, but the Universe is already thinking three steps ahead, maybe I should find a church with an altar to Bobby Fischer.

Day 38 - Chaitra went out like Casey...at the bat

The big day arrived and left without any networking fireworks. I got there and turned into Sally Silence. Even with my Bloody Mary, I was relaxed but not in the mood to talk. When I saw Linda from the Arizona Historical Foundation, I said hello but she dashed off to another presentation and I didn't follow up. I saw two other archivists from Arizona, I didn't remember their names but I could have struck up a conversation with our common network. The icing on the cake was that I even saw my most recent contact, Samip from the South Asian Digital Archive in Chicago, and I didn't say anything! I don't know what was wrong with me, but in retrospect I suppose I was feeling inadequate.

I could say that I moved, but I haven't accomplished very much career wise, yet. I assumed that networking should be an exchange and I don't feel that I have much to offer at this point. The whole day was not fabulous in the way that I thought it would be, but there was a silver lining. The sessions that I went to and the people that spoke have inspired me to keep going in my path and give it a lot more effort. After today's disappointment and the subsequent conversation with my sister I realized that I cannot waste my opportunity to make a living at something that I truly enjoy. Of course it is not going to be easy, if it was easy to be employed doing what you love, there would be a lot more rock bands, bakery shops and travel journalists.

I bought two books from the conference and took copious notes in the session about making that leap from student to professional. There are 162 repositories in the Chicago area, and I have contacted 2. I have so much work to do. Don't worry ya'll this chance was demolished as a result of doubt and insecurity, but I haven't given up just yet. In the words of Curtis Mayfield, I gotta keep on pushin'.   

Day 37 - The Storm

I spent the morning cleaning, doing laundry and watching music videos. I executed my final takeover in the bathroom. I put all of Lauren's items underneath the sink and put my stuff in the drawers for easier access. I threw away all of the bottles with just a little bit of product left in the them, and I scrubbed all of the surfaces with bleach. I had to crack open the window because I almost passed out from the fumes. I'm not going to say anything but I get so frustrated when we both get back from somewhere and she goes straight to "my" bathroom because it is conveniently located in the hallway. I'm sure that it would be inexcusable for me to race through her bedroom to the toilet in the master suite. I also have to keep a certain amount of tidiness in the bathroom because all kinds of guests may be using it. Ahhh, one of the many little drawbacks to living in someone else's house.

Around five, I left out to the commuter train to head downtown. I took the Water St. exit instead of Randolph from the station and got very turned around. I was trying to go to the Chicago Cultural Center for a film screening. I looked at my google map, I was only 0.3 miles away, so I kept walking, when I didn't see it in 10 minutes, I realized that I was walking in the wrong direction. I turned around and made it to place 5 minutes after the movie started. Luckily it was just me, and I found a single seat in the middle of a row. The film was called, The Storm (De Storm), it was filmed in Dutch with English subtitles. It was all about this powerful storm in 1953, and how a young mother is determined to find her 5 week old infant in all of the water and chaos. I won't give away the ending but there was a baby thief in the midst. I really enjoyed it, I don't know what I would do if I had to deal with water as high as the roof of my house and watching my mother and sister die right in front of me. The story was thoughtful and the male lead was easy on the eyes. The film series is free and they are showing movies from all around the world until September 24, I am looking forward to checking out another one.

The film was over around 8:15, this is the latest that I have been downtown by myself without my car. I know that I could have taken the commuter train back, but I didn't feel like waiting an hour for it to come. So, I walked down State Street for a little bit. I popped into Old Navy and fought the urge to buy clothes. Then I went to Baskin Robins for some ice cream. I sat down and consulted the travel options on my iPhone. This particular Baskin Robins is a hub for young men who play "Magic: The Gathering", the card game. There must have been 15 boys sitting around 4 tables pushed together with the cards, colorful mats and other accessories, more power to them. I found that the Jackson Park Express bus was picking up just around the corner and I would have a 0.9 mile walk home from the closest stop.

It was nice and breezy and I stopped at several stores on my walk home. Subway was first, considering that just because I started with dessert didn't negate the need for dinner. Then I went to the liquor store to get the ingredients for tomorrow's Bloody Mary. I usually avoid liquor stores mostly because I don't drink that much and I assume that low-lifes and weirdos will populate them. If I had removed my negative perception earlier, I might have seen why my Dad likes them so much. Everyone is in a jovial mood in the liquor store. They smile, say hello and give all kinds of compliments. Granted they might be drunk already, but if you are tired of feeling invisible on the city streets, a liquor store at the least the one in Hyde Park, after 9:00 at night, may be the place for a little recognition.     

Day 36 - Bike Maintenance

Zach and I had an unnecessarily intense conversation about the existence of the Illuminati and who may be a part of it. These are our positions and I think that the evidence supports both ideas, but he is not trying to hear it. Zach thinks that Rupert Murdoch, Jay-Z, Rhianna and countless other successful people have bartered their lives for fame and money. He thinks that they are under the control of this super old organization, its in the lyrics, the decisions they make and the symbols that they use. I happen to believe that Jay-Z and his publicist are at least as smart as 18 year old Zach from Chicago and they are using the folklore to generate a buzz around his image. People spend so much time and energy investigating this conspiracy all the while increasing the fame of those celebrities. I would put a goat on my t-shirt too if I thought someone would be more interested in me and eventually give me more money. Besides how prestigious is your secret society when a Disney move (National Treasure) could reveal the majority of your legend. I ended with agree to disagree but he still seemed pretty worked up about it. Oh well.

I didn't feel the earthquake here today but there were some rain storms rolling in this morning. I forgot the plastic for my bike seat, but I managed to dry it off with my sweater. Luckily the rain had stopped so I biked over to the bike repair shop on 60th and Blackstone. This was the place that I went to buy a bike and they only sold bikes on Saturday, luckily they repair bikes on Tuesday. A nice little girl took the notes on what was wrong and 15 minutes later Chris came and fixed my bike in 5 minutes flat. Apparently the spring had dislodged in the gear shifter, he put it back in position and now the gear stays put. He pumped air into both tires and said that it was no charge. I know that their bike shop employs kids from the neighborhood to give them something constructive to do, so I insisted on giving him 5 dollars for his help. In retrospect, I suppose I could have given more, but it was an easy fix. If I made a dollar an hour, I would be living in my own apartment in Chicago, it was better than nothing. At any rate, my bike runs like a dream. I would take this over car repairs any day, two wheels are the way to go. The rest of the evening was uneventful but I am off of work until Saturday, looking forward to these blank canvas days.