I woke up to pet duty, I will be glad when Lauren gets back. At least I was up and productive afterwards. I finally figured out how to work the television in my room. I washed all of my linen, and swept the floor. I believe that I was being propelled by my breakfast of champions, a Bloody Mary (garnished with celery) and a bowl of carrots. It was like a V8 with a kick. I continued working on material for my "make a goal, pick a goal. daily" initiative, which will be in effect tomorrow morning. After a quick nap, I decided to go out with a bang before I start cooking, and ordered some Giordano's. If you don't know about Chicago style stuffed crust pizza, you better ask somebody! It literally looks like a pie with a light flaky crust, and all of the cheese and toppings are layered beneath the tomato sauce, it is ingenious. I picked it up and had a delicious late lunch. I was prepared to keep researching and exploring opportunities on the computer when Rachna called.
She was in the area and needed to pick up the credit card that she left in my purse on Friday night. She was going to the library and she asked me if I wanted to check it out. Of course I said yes, because up until then I was not able to enter university libraries because I don't have a student ID. The woman working at the front desk (named Croatia) said that I could get in as a guest of Rachna, and as she was filling out the form Rachna asked her about employment in the library. Croatia was very friendly and I told her about my background and she said that I would be a good candiate for some of their positions. She encouraged me to keep checking in and applying on the HR website. Rachna tried to say that I should come back and talk to more people, and Croatia was like that's not really cool, everyone would just tell me to check the website anyway. Then Rachna leans in to this woman, and says, "she's shy, so we can use any insider information that we can get". I cringed. Croatia then commenced to give me a pep talk about projecting confidence, being persistent, and having a stellar resume. I appreciated her encouragement but it would have been completely unnecessary, if Rachna wasn't always running her mouth.
As soon as we were out of earshot of Croatia, I told Rachna that I did not like her speaking for me as if I wasn't there. She said that she was sorry and she didn't mean to offend me. I told her that I appreciated the help that she was trying to give me but she needs to give me space to operate at my own pace. Even after I left her to her work, 20 minutes later she apologized, and she texted me 3 hours later with the same sentiment. I told her it was just a bump toward us getting to know each other better. I am over it. My senstivity to the situation stems from three fibers of my being. One, I try to put myself in other people's position and nothing good comes from Croatia thinking that I am too "shy..(translate) insecure" to communicate my ideas. Two, I hate to be "put upon", if I can/want to help I will offer it, she/I should not have to figure out a nice way to say no, because other people can't get it together for themselves.Three, just because I am quiet and agreeable, it does not mean that I don't have opinions and preferences. Maybe I vented too much, and she feels like she needs to save me from my under-employed misery, I am capable of saving myself.
I know that Rachna is coming from a good place, she just needs to be careful of overstepping boundaries. I am proud of myself for letting her know that her behavior bothered me. It's good to know that some of my mother's lessons are sticking, she also wanted me to speak up for myself more than I did. My first instinct has always been to "let it ride" or "don't rock the boat", but that's no way to live. I know that I will never call someone out maliciously, so anyone that cares about me will take my concerns seriously. For me, there is never a, net negative outcome for listening to the little voice that says, "I'm not feeling that!".
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