Throughout the course of the day, I had fabulous conversations with all of my favorite people. Thank goodness for free weekend minutes!
I have to add to this entry, because I was stuck in conversation with Lauren last night until 12:30, our trio is officially no more. Here is the scoop:
Rachna has decided to take evening strolls around Hyde Park to clear her mind and figure out what her next move will be. She invited me to join her last night, and I (probably not using the best judgment) invited Lauren and Simba. It seemed harmless at the time. Rachna is talking about how she is probably going to have to go back to India and she is not sure of what to do with her stuff. Apparently, she bought all kinds of household supplies from Wal-Mart and Target, that are unopened and she wants to return them and get her money back. Lauren suggested that she should get storage for all of her things, since she might want to come back to Chicago. Rachna says that storage makes no sense because she doesn't know when or if she will be back.
Here is where my dramatic irony comes in, because I know that Lauren doesn't want to drive Rachna to any store to return anything, but Lauren is trying to get Rachna to think that renting a truck and a storage unit is the best option. Rachna doesn't know why, but she senses Lauren's persistence and is not happy about it. We have been walking for about 20 minutes, and when we get to a corner, Rachna says I'll walk you guys home, and go back by myself, and we are like, no, there are two of us, we will make sure you get home, and we can walk back. Rachna keeps beating around the bush, saying that she wants to walk by herself, then she blurts out, I have something that I need to talk to Chaitra about in private. I was looking at her, like "what?" and Lauren is like "oh I see, BYE!"
I felt like a first grader, with all of these superficial friend alliances. I walked with Rachna, and she told me that Lauren's negativity was too much for her, she has enough stress in her life without that. Our conversation was not of much consequence, but of course I had to go home eventually and deal with Lauren. Lauren said that she doesn't care and I told her Rachna just wanted to talk about this guy she was seeing. I guess when they were at dinner last week, Lauren was not as supportive of that pursuit as she would have liked. Lauren seems glad to be off the Rachna hook, so the issue wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Then Lauren proceeded to talk about her latest revelations about dating and how its depressing that she doesn't have love or babies in her life, when it feels like everyone around her does, a lot of woe is me....poor thing.
Side note, even with my umbrella evening dew/mist/rain devastated my hair do, :( Lauren used her super hot flat iron to try to flattened it out. It is no use, it has puffed up. I am really considering locs, if I get a better job that will allow me to go to the salon to maintain them, I'm going to do it!!
Sometimes I wonder if I am two faced, clearly I say things to Rachna about Lauren, that I would not want Lauren to know, and vice versa. I feel like they are two very self-involved people and I don't mind being a sounding board, and its my natural inclination to empathize, so it feels pretty harmless. I have plenty of time and opportunities with my real friends and family to re-charge my batteries, preventing myself from wallowing in a puddle of insecurities and disappointments.
Sunday 18 September 2011
Day 61 - Coleman's Birthday Party!
I really think that I do everything for the people I love in this world. Tonight, when I went to Andersonville for Coleman's party, I thought that Lauren Smith would love to shop on Clark street, Joseph and Christian would love to date the men that were at the party, Travis would have joined to conversation about the value of vinyl, and Loren and Hope would have busted out their salsa moves when Suavmente came on. In that movie, "Playing with Hearts", Sean Connery has a line where he says something like when you fall in love with someone, you see yourself the way that they see you, so you actually fall in love with yourself. My friends and family do represent me and the fact that I thought of them while out with these strangers definitely made me feel a lot more comfortable, and made me miss them alot.
I talked to so many people tonight, I am actually sipping water now because my throat is sore. Jordan is Coleman's neighbor and he is a professor in the art department at DePaul. Chris is a graphic designer and he is from the "quad cities" on the Iowa-Illinois border. Scott works with Coleman and told me that I should stop complaining about my roommate because he once lived in a converted pantry with a schizophrenic for a roommate. Anthony is from Oregon and he has shoes that are older than me. Kirk is a lawyer, he lives downtown and he walked with me to the train station after the party. I met alot of women too, I just can't remember their names. Topics of conversation ranged from the scary ways that facebook is removing all privacy, the end of cohesive albums (artists just produce singles these days), things to do in Chicago, favorite vacation destinations, Chicago neighborhoods, and what I could expect in the winter. Although I smiled and listened to everyone's advice, I am a little rattled. Never before had anyone told me that I need to track storms on TV and go to the grocery store in advance, because I could be snowed in for three days! Tomorrow, I want to go shopping for some of this uber-necessary winter gear.
I felt very rebellious and a little scared when I decided to drive my car to the train stop and take the train all the way to Andersonville at 8:00 PM. Lauren always says that she doesn't ride on that train in this neighborhood, but she never rides the train at all. This was the most convenient way to get there, why shouldn't I do it? In my mind I could see the news, "local woman's body found dead, 150 yards from a Red Line train stop" Lauren in the interview, "I hate to see this happen, but I told her to keep her Arizona ass off of that train...there is a room available at..." I made it without any problems, I swear if you dress modestly, keep your head down, walk fast and mind your own business, nobody has anything to say to you. Based on the documentary I saw, most violent crimes involve people with a history of conflict between each other, these people don't know me from a can of spray paint.
As I was riding the train, I was wondering why I don't worry about the additional danger that comes with me walking around as a young woman. It is because I wasn't raised with that mind set. I played sports, I used to wear big t-shirts all the time, and if I hit my brother he socked me right back, there were no allowances because I am a female. I never think about crying to police officers or blaming my attitude on my period, these things just don't occur to me. So when I was saying goodbye to Coleman, and a lady overheard how I was getting home and said, a pretty girl like you shouldn't be riding the train at night, Coleman you better give that girl some cab fare...I was like no, don't worry about it, I'll be fine...they eventually let it go, but it definitely surprised me. Its not that I can't turn up the feminine fire when I want to, I just forget that in this world, it is impossible to turn off. I can see why heterosexual might women wear boxers, baggy jeans, sneakers and baseball hats, they are probably less likely to be victims when their femininity is hidden.
Overall, the night was great. I figured out how to get somewhere new and I met some interesting folks. Coleman is definitely a good contact to have.
I talked to so many people tonight, I am actually sipping water now because my throat is sore. Jordan is Coleman's neighbor and he is a professor in the art department at DePaul. Chris is a graphic designer and he is from the "quad cities" on the Iowa-Illinois border. Scott works with Coleman and told me that I should stop complaining about my roommate because he once lived in a converted pantry with a schizophrenic for a roommate. Anthony is from Oregon and he has shoes that are older than me. Kirk is a lawyer, he lives downtown and he walked with me to the train station after the party. I met alot of women too, I just can't remember their names. Topics of conversation ranged from the scary ways that facebook is removing all privacy, the end of cohesive albums (artists just produce singles these days), things to do in Chicago, favorite vacation destinations, Chicago neighborhoods, and what I could expect in the winter. Although I smiled and listened to everyone's advice, I am a little rattled. Never before had anyone told me that I need to track storms on TV and go to the grocery store in advance, because I could be snowed in for three days! Tomorrow, I want to go shopping for some of this uber-necessary winter gear.
I felt very rebellious and a little scared when I decided to drive my car to the train stop and take the train all the way to Andersonville at 8:00 PM. Lauren always says that she doesn't ride on that train in this neighborhood, but she never rides the train at all. This was the most convenient way to get there, why shouldn't I do it? In my mind I could see the news, "local woman's body found dead, 150 yards from a Red Line train stop" Lauren in the interview, "I hate to see this happen, but I told her to keep her Arizona ass off of that train...there is a room available at..." I made it without any problems, I swear if you dress modestly, keep your head down, walk fast and mind your own business, nobody has anything to say to you. Based on the documentary I saw, most violent crimes involve people with a history of conflict between each other, these people don't know me from a can of spray paint.
As I was riding the train, I was wondering why I don't worry about the additional danger that comes with me walking around as a young woman. It is because I wasn't raised with that mind set. I played sports, I used to wear big t-shirts all the time, and if I hit my brother he socked me right back, there were no allowances because I am a female. I never think about crying to police officers or blaming my attitude on my period, these things just don't occur to me. So when I was saying goodbye to Coleman, and a lady overheard how I was getting home and said, a pretty girl like you shouldn't be riding the train at night, Coleman you better give that girl some cab fare...I was like no, don't worry about it, I'll be fine...they eventually let it go, but it definitely surprised me. Its not that I can't turn up the feminine fire when I want to, I just forget that in this world, it is impossible to turn off. I can see why heterosexual might women wear boxers, baggy jeans, sneakers and baseball hats, they are probably less likely to be victims when their femininity is hidden.
Overall, the night was great. I figured out how to get somewhere new and I met some interesting folks. Coleman is definitely a good contact to have.