Today I bought a new computer and I promise to me more careful with it. I can actually remember the moment earlier this week when Stokely (my old computer's name) decided that he had enough of my abuse and bowed out. I was in bed looking at the computer and instead of making room on the messy night stand, I lowered it over the side of the bed and let it drop, about 2 inches from the hardwood floor. The next morning, I couldn't get Windows to run, and the rest is history. I was looking up why or how a hard drive could be ruined, and dropping the machine as well as chronic improper shut downs could be the culprits. I am guilty of both. To add insult to injury, none of my files are backed up, so I have no music, no photos and no zillion versions of cover letters and resumes. It was an expensive mistake, but I am moving forward with light weight and svelte Delilah (my new computer's name).
I had a 45 minute conversation with my Dad this evening, and I was truly comforted. I called him because Lauren was getting on my nerves, and he helped me feel like I wasn't crazy for my point of view. Even though I can't agree with the majority of his decisions lately, he is responsible for so many of the personality pieces of me. The one that came up today was "god bless the child that has got his own". Lauren seemed frustrated that I didn't call her for advice about getting my computer and implied that I spent way too much. My dad was like it doesn't matter how much you spent, you handled your business, he understood why I wouldn't have waited for a hook up to save a dollar, when I already had the conviction and resources to take care of it myself. To see my thought process echoed through the words of another person is always welcomed, gave me validation.
He went on to tell me how he misses his old life with my mom and my siblings. It is hard to describe if you weren't there, but from about 1990 to 2005, 321 E. Rimrock was the place to be. Our house was full of LOVE, we were always laughing and enjoying our time together. We did have some challenges and even when we fought, we always came back together, in that house. I don't think that we are finished seeing the after effects of the loss of everyone's rock (my mom) and our house. What choice do we have? Mope in the rubble or take the love and go build something else.
Friday, 2 September 2011
Thursday, 1 September 2011
Day 45 - Lazy Undergraduate Days
When I was in college at The University of Arizona and North Carolina Central University, living on campus, I was poor but very happy. In Tucson, Melanie and I would wake up and go to whichever class we had, meet in the Union for crispy chicken wraps, go back to our rooms and sit on our computers and watch our favorite movies, maybe get a nap in there somewhere. At the computer, we would be listening to music, watching funny videos, and instant messaging people three and four doors down. When it got cooler, we might go work out at the Rec Center, go out to dinner or do some homework, whatever we were in the mood for. We would probably stay up really late laughing with our friends or going out somewhere else on campus. In Durham, swap Melanie for Jeania, the Union for the Caf, and crispy chicken for flat out fried chicken pieces. Maybe instead of going to the gym, we would play Spades and Phase 10 with our friends. Throw in the weekly foreign film screening, open mic night, progressive speaker or college sporting event and life was full. These were some of the best days of my life and I will always love everyone that was there with me.
Today, I felt as if I was transplanted back to those days. I was off from work, I had three text conversations that lasted between one and three hours each. I was on the computer applying for jobs and writing emails. I did laundry. I was checking prices for plane tickets and netbooks. It was very productive, but I didn't budge from the computer desk for more than one cumulative hour all day. Yesterday, I went to dinner with Rachna and had pancit and crab rangoons from Noodle Etc. It was a very relaxed affair, she wants to talk about my goals more than I do. I continue to be motivated by the faith that others have in me and the incredible acts of kindness from relative strangers. I also visited the Oriental Institute on Wednesday, and spoke to the volunteer coordinator. They have a very organized program but there are fees associated and there is no guarantee that I will be able to volunteer in the archives. I will keep exploring other collections. I will be eating the last of my chicken florentine tonight, so tomorrow shall bring a culinary innovation.
Today, I felt as if I was transplanted back to those days. I was off from work, I had three text conversations that lasted between one and three hours each. I was on the computer applying for jobs and writing emails. I did laundry. I was checking prices for plane tickets and netbooks. It was very productive, but I didn't budge from the computer desk for more than one cumulative hour all day. Yesterday, I went to dinner with Rachna and had pancit and crab rangoons from Noodle Etc. It was a very relaxed affair, she wants to talk about my goals more than I do. I continue to be motivated by the faith that others have in me and the incredible acts of kindness from relative strangers. I also visited the Oriental Institute on Wednesday, and spoke to the volunteer coordinator. They have a very organized program but there are fees associated and there is no guarantee that I will be able to volunteer in the archives. I will keep exploring other collections. I will be eating the last of my chicken florentine tonight, so tomorrow shall bring a culinary innovation.
Wednesday, 31 August 2011
Day 44 - Coleman Evans
Today at work, I met a man who might be willing to give me a job in his department at the University of Chicago! Trent and Coleman were chatting when I got back from lunch, I joined when they started talking about Arizona. Trent had to leave but Coleman and I kept talking. His undergraduate degree is in Sociolgy and he watches Martin Lawrence stand ups too, what more do two people need to have in common? I followed up with him in the hopes of finding a new friend and his first text asks me if I would be interested in a job in curriculum development in the College of Medicine! I said maybe, please send me the description. We will see if he does. I don't want to get geeked up about it, but if that doesn't show the power of networking, I don't know what does.
Tuesday, 30 August 2011
Day 43 - Old man magnet
Today at work I spoke to two old men. One said, can I pay you a compliment? I said sure, he said, you are all that, and you can take it how you want it. I don't really know what he meant, but judging from his grin it was probably something dirty. The second one said, how are you doing young lady? I said fine, then he says I didn't ask you how you look, I can see that. I said oh, I'm doing well. It's all idle chatter, I would just prefer to have it with someone my own age.
I think that I am going to have to get a new computer. I'm going to take it to the Geek Squad, but I bet they are going to want as much to fix it as a new one would cost. I had great plans to visit the Oriental Museum this morning but I couldn't find my keys or get my resume from my defunct computer. By the time I got it together, I had to go to work. I will continue in that effort tomorrow. I am still eating chicken florentine, I'll probably be ready to cook something new tomorrow. Let's toast to a productive tomorrow.
I think that I am going to have to get a new computer. I'm going to take it to the Geek Squad, but I bet they are going to want as much to fix it as a new one would cost. I had great plans to visit the Oriental Museum this morning but I couldn't find my keys or get my resume from my defunct computer. By the time I got it together, I had to go to work. I will continue in that effort tomorrow. I am still eating chicken florentine, I'll probably be ready to cook something new tomorrow. Let's toast to a productive tomorrow.
Monday, 29 August 2011
Day 42 - The Interrupters
Recipe: Chicken Florentine
Repository: Moody Bible Institute
I spent the morning applying for jobs at the Moody Bible Institute. They had some appealing positions but I could not in good faith answer all of the questions that are included in their application. I couldn't condemn homosexuality and promise not to drink or have pre-marital sex. In the additional information section, I explained that I could respect their point of view, and work there without a bias, but I am more of a religious pluralist and I couldn't pledge allegiance to their doctrine. We will see if my application goes anywhere besides the garbage can in that HR department. I also applied to one at the Chicago Theological Seminary, they weren't as stringent, but they have already selected strong applicants to interview, maybe if they all fall through, they will take a glance in my direction.
After that morning of productive activities, I decided to head to the movie theater. I ran into two women who live in my building yesterday when I was walking Simba, and they were telling me about "The Interrupters", the latest documentary from the man who directed "Hoop Dreams". I thought it was very thought provoking. The film is about a non-profit organization, made of ex-criminals, named Cease Fire, who set out to infiltrate the worst neighborhoods in Chicago and stop violent crimes before they happen. The youth violence in this city is really an epidemic, the UIC researchers that are analyzing this initiative have compared it to a horrible, contagious disease that can be stopped, once the agent is identified. These brave souls are having real dialogues with brothers in rival gangs, mothers who are burying their sons, a sister who watched her brother get shot in the head and die in her arms.
All the perpetrators can say is he disrespected me, and I'm not a punk, so I had to shoot him. It was nuts. The only thing that I can think of is that these kids are suicidal. They live in drug infested neighborhoods, their families don't have money, they are ostracized from main stream society, and they can't get jobs. How can they think about the future when the present is so bleak? They have to know that their actions will lead to death, and maybe they are hoping for a release from their misery. I imagine the ones that make it out are the ones who have been encouraged to love and dream, those are the things that make me value my life. Technically, you don't need money and status to instill optimism and hope in your kids...but how can you do that you have been beat down by life too? The nature of the problem is quite overwhelming. The kicker is that this is all happening less than 5 miles away from my apartment. It is ironic that the film didn't make me more afraid, it made me want to do something to help. I have no idea what that will be, definitely not looking for a fight to stop, but something.
On the way home, I picked up the ingredients for the Chicken Florentine. I got home, placed all the ingredients on the counter. Lauren's kitchen came through with the pots, skillets, pans and measuring cups. I had the recipe book propped up and I was ready to cook! Everything was going great until I busted open my bag of thyme. I literally ripped the bag and thyme flew all over the kitchen. I couldn't stop to clean it up, I had all kinds of fires going on the range. That was awkward. I put lemon juice and corn starch in the spinach, but it was supposed to be mixed, cooked and poured over the final product. I also forgot to put the cheese in the with the garlic/mushroom mixture, which was stuffed into the chicken before I put in the oven. All the ingredients made it in the end, just not the way that the recipe intended. I ate up my portion, so I would give it an 80%. I always thought that I should not be afraid to cook because I can read and follow directions. That might not necessarily be the case. I'm definitely excited to have some food ready to go for tomorrow.
Repository: Moody Bible Institute
I spent the morning applying for jobs at the Moody Bible Institute. They had some appealing positions but I could not in good faith answer all of the questions that are included in their application. I couldn't condemn homosexuality and promise not to drink or have pre-marital sex. In the additional information section, I explained that I could respect their point of view, and work there without a bias, but I am more of a religious pluralist and I couldn't pledge allegiance to their doctrine. We will see if my application goes anywhere besides the garbage can in that HR department. I also applied to one at the Chicago Theological Seminary, they weren't as stringent, but they have already selected strong applicants to interview, maybe if they all fall through, they will take a glance in my direction.
After that morning of productive activities, I decided to head to the movie theater. I ran into two women who live in my building yesterday when I was walking Simba, and they were telling me about "The Interrupters", the latest documentary from the man who directed "Hoop Dreams". I thought it was very thought provoking. The film is about a non-profit organization, made of ex-criminals, named Cease Fire, who set out to infiltrate the worst neighborhoods in Chicago and stop violent crimes before they happen. The youth violence in this city is really an epidemic, the UIC researchers that are analyzing this initiative have compared it to a horrible, contagious disease that can be stopped, once the agent is identified. These brave souls are having real dialogues with brothers in rival gangs, mothers who are burying their sons, a sister who watched her brother get shot in the head and die in her arms.
All the perpetrators can say is he disrespected me, and I'm not a punk, so I had to shoot him. It was nuts. The only thing that I can think of is that these kids are suicidal. They live in drug infested neighborhoods, their families don't have money, they are ostracized from main stream society, and they can't get jobs. How can they think about the future when the present is so bleak? They have to know that their actions will lead to death, and maybe they are hoping for a release from their misery. I imagine the ones that make it out are the ones who have been encouraged to love and dream, those are the things that make me value my life. Technically, you don't need money and status to instill optimism and hope in your kids...but how can you do that you have been beat down by life too? The nature of the problem is quite overwhelming. The kicker is that this is all happening less than 5 miles away from my apartment. It is ironic that the film didn't make me more afraid, it made me want to do something to help. I have no idea what that will be, definitely not looking for a fight to stop, but something.
On the way home, I picked up the ingredients for the Chicken Florentine. I got home, placed all the ingredients on the counter. Lauren's kitchen came through with the pots, skillets, pans and measuring cups. I had the recipe book propped up and I was ready to cook! Everything was going great until I busted open my bag of thyme. I literally ripped the bag and thyme flew all over the kitchen. I couldn't stop to clean it up, I had all kinds of fires going on the range. That was awkward. I put lemon juice and corn starch in the spinach, but it was supposed to be mixed, cooked and poured over the final product. I also forgot to put the cheese in the with the garlic/mushroom mixture, which was stuffed into the chicken before I put in the oven. All the ingredients made it in the end, just not the way that the recipe intended. I ate up my portion, so I would give it an 80%. I always thought that I should not be afraid to cook because I can read and follow directions. That might not necessarily be the case. I'm definitely excited to have some food ready to go for tomorrow.
Sunday, 28 August 2011
Day 41 - She is shy?!?!?
I woke up to pet duty, I will be glad when Lauren gets back. At least I was up and productive afterwards. I finally figured out how to work the television in my room. I washed all of my linen, and swept the floor. I believe that I was being propelled by my breakfast of champions, a Bloody Mary (garnished with celery) and a bowl of carrots. It was like a V8 with a kick. I continued working on material for my "make a goal, pick a goal. daily" initiative, which will be in effect tomorrow morning. After a quick nap, I decided to go out with a bang before I start cooking, and ordered some Giordano's. If you don't know about Chicago style stuffed crust pizza, you better ask somebody! It literally looks like a pie with a light flaky crust, and all of the cheese and toppings are layered beneath the tomato sauce, it is ingenious. I picked it up and had a delicious late lunch. I was prepared to keep researching and exploring opportunities on the computer when Rachna called.
She was in the area and needed to pick up the credit card that she left in my purse on Friday night. She was going to the library and she asked me if I wanted to check it out. Of course I said yes, because up until then I was not able to enter university libraries because I don't have a student ID. The woman working at the front desk (named Croatia) said that I could get in as a guest of Rachna, and as she was filling out the form Rachna asked her about employment in the library. Croatia was very friendly and I told her about my background and she said that I would be a good candiate for some of their positions. She encouraged me to keep checking in and applying on the HR website. Rachna tried to say that I should come back and talk to more people, and Croatia was like that's not really cool, everyone would just tell me to check the website anyway. Then Rachna leans in to this woman, and says, "she's shy, so we can use any insider information that we can get". I cringed. Croatia then commenced to give me a pep talk about projecting confidence, being persistent, and having a stellar resume. I appreciated her encouragement but it would have been completely unnecessary, if Rachna wasn't always running her mouth.
As soon as we were out of earshot of Croatia, I told Rachna that I did not like her speaking for me as if I wasn't there. She said that she was sorry and she didn't mean to offend me. I told her that I appreciated the help that she was trying to give me but she needs to give me space to operate at my own pace. Even after I left her to her work, 20 minutes later she apologized, and she texted me 3 hours later with the same sentiment. I told her it was just a bump toward us getting to know each other better. I am over it. My senstivity to the situation stems from three fibers of my being. One, I try to put myself in other people's position and nothing good comes from Croatia thinking that I am too "shy..(translate) insecure" to communicate my ideas. Two, I hate to be "put upon", if I can/want to help I will offer it, she/I should not have to figure out a nice way to say no, because other people can't get it together for themselves.Three, just because I am quiet and agreeable, it does not mean that I don't have opinions and preferences. Maybe I vented too much, and she feels like she needs to save me from my under-employed misery, I am capable of saving myself.
I know that Rachna is coming from a good place, she just needs to be careful of overstepping boundaries. I am proud of myself for letting her know that her behavior bothered me. It's good to know that some of my mother's lessons are sticking, she also wanted me to speak up for myself more than I did. My first instinct has always been to "let it ride" or "don't rock the boat", but that's no way to live. I know that I will never call someone out maliciously, so anyone that cares about me will take my concerns seriously. For me, there is never a, net negative outcome for listening to the little voice that says, "I'm not feeling that!".
She was in the area and needed to pick up the credit card that she left in my purse on Friday night. She was going to the library and she asked me if I wanted to check it out. Of course I said yes, because up until then I was not able to enter university libraries because I don't have a student ID. The woman working at the front desk (named Croatia) said that I could get in as a guest of Rachna, and as she was filling out the form Rachna asked her about employment in the library. Croatia was very friendly and I told her about my background and she said that I would be a good candiate for some of their positions. She encouraged me to keep checking in and applying on the HR website. Rachna tried to say that I should come back and talk to more people, and Croatia was like that's not really cool, everyone would just tell me to check the website anyway. Then Rachna leans in to this woman, and says, "she's shy, so we can use any insider information that we can get". I cringed. Croatia then commenced to give me a pep talk about projecting confidence, being persistent, and having a stellar resume. I appreciated her encouragement but it would have been completely unnecessary, if Rachna wasn't always running her mouth.
As soon as we were out of earshot of Croatia, I told Rachna that I did not like her speaking for me as if I wasn't there. She said that she was sorry and she didn't mean to offend me. I told her that I appreciated the help that she was trying to give me but she needs to give me space to operate at my own pace. Even after I left her to her work, 20 minutes later she apologized, and she texted me 3 hours later with the same sentiment. I told her it was just a bump toward us getting to know each other better. I am over it. My senstivity to the situation stems from three fibers of my being. One, I try to put myself in other people's position and nothing good comes from Croatia thinking that I am too "shy..(translate) insecure" to communicate my ideas. Two, I hate to be "put upon", if I can/want to help I will offer it, she/I should not have to figure out a nice way to say no, because other people can't get it together for themselves.Three, just because I am quiet and agreeable, it does not mean that I don't have opinions and preferences. Maybe I vented too much, and she feels like she needs to save me from my under-employed misery, I am capable of saving myself.
I know that Rachna is coming from a good place, she just needs to be careful of overstepping boundaries. I am proud of myself for letting her know that her behavior bothered me. It's good to know that some of my mother's lessons are sticking, she also wanted me to speak up for myself more than I did. My first instinct has always been to "let it ride" or "don't rock the boat", but that's no way to live. I know that I will never call someone out maliciously, so anyone that cares about me will take my concerns seriously. For me, there is never a, net negative outcome for listening to the little voice that says, "I'm not feeling that!".
Saturday, 27 August 2011
Day 40 - Ms. Doolittle is doing a lot
I woke up earlier than usual this morning to feed Simba and Misty, and take Simba for a walk. I had to be at work by 8:45, and I was almost late trying to steer my bike through the adolescent baseball team gathering
behind our building. I was in a good mood so it didn't really matter. The general manager was supervising the store today so I made sure to stay busy. After work I came home and put my resolve to the test. It has been 40 days of traffic jam between my thoughts and my actions. Clearly, I can't just think it and do it. I needed a creative and consistent way to attack these goals. The three major tasks are: to cook more, participate in more archival projects, and find an archives mentor. In this pursuit I have written down every recipe that I want to try and every repository that I want to contact, on separate pieces of paper. Every morning, I will pick a recipe and a repository and I will cook something and call somebody. I will keep track of the outcomes and see what kind of progress I make. I feel like the 40 day mark, the absence of Lauren, and the highs and lows that I experienced on Thursday and Friday, and that back to school, a.k.a. fresh start mentality that comes with September is working for me. If I can blog everyday, I can work on my career and my personal goals everyday too.
behind our building. I was in a good mood so it didn't really matter. The general manager was supervising the store today so I made sure to stay busy. After work I came home and put my resolve to the test. It has been 40 days of traffic jam between my thoughts and my actions. Clearly, I can't just think it and do it. I needed a creative and consistent way to attack these goals. The three major tasks are: to cook more, participate in more archival projects, and find an archives mentor. In this pursuit I have written down every recipe that I want to try and every repository that I want to contact, on separate pieces of paper. Every morning, I will pick a recipe and a repository and I will cook something and call somebody. I will keep track of the outcomes and see what kind of progress I make. I feel like the 40 day mark, the absence of Lauren, and the highs and lows that I experienced on Thursday and Friday, and that back to school, a.k.a. fresh start mentality that comes with September is working for me. If I can blog everyday, I can work on my career and my personal goals everyday too.